Log in

[icon] do not defy me
View:Recent Entries.
You're looking at the latest 10 entries.
Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 10 entries

Time:11:59 pm
sometimes when you are reaching out to a friend for help...and you need something, just anything, you get nothing.
comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment Share

Subject:I heart...
Time:10:22 pm
...the biggest loser...I used to scoff at it. I refused to watch it...I know its a horribly exploitative reality show, but now I find it so inspiring. Really its the reason I started my diet. Because I was SERIOUSLY thinking about applying for the biggest loser... and then I thought "am i really THAT big?" and the answer is NO, I was smaller than the smallest girl ever on that show. But I still wanted to try out for it. So instead I started my own diet and excercise program. Now granted I dont lose 20 pounds a week like those on the biggest loser show. But im not working out all day. Still I have lost 45 pounds since february 21st of this year. For a normal person without a trainer yelling at them all the time, I think its phenomenal. I'd like to be at 80 pounds weight loss by february next year. That is nothing like what those biggest loser people do...BUT it will be so awesome for me. and I already find myself so much more beautiful than i ever thought i could be. I love myself so much, and its only gonna get better.

physical transformation people...its what im trying to acomplish.
comments: Leave a comment Share

Subject:A post on bitterness
Time:10:21 pm
Tonight I went to dinner with my family. It was my grandmothers birthday. And it got me thinking about my life. I feel like I'm holding myself back because of bitterness. There are two things in my life that I am SO bitter about. One is a family issue, the other is an issue I'm not comfortable talking about with really anyone...some people have gotten parts of it but no one the whole thing. Anyway, both things make me bitter and unhappy and I realize I need to let them both go before I can really have a productive life. I just dont know how to let them go. The one no one really knows about I'm getting real close to letting go of and Dont really wanna talk about..the other. I dont know how to ever get over it. Its that my little brother got so LUCKY in his job. He got it because one of his female friends hoped to marry him, so she got him an excellent job with her family business. But they never got together, but still he is making so much money and just bought a house and is becomeing an ADULT. Everyone is talking about how great he has turned out...SEE I gotta stop, just so bitter. I Have got to let it go. He has a great job, he makes more than I could dream of. He offered to pay my medical bills last year, I said no and tried hard not to hate him for it. Because I've been busting my ass for 13 years working, and I've never had the success that he has in only a few years of work. Its terrible Karma to envy your siblings...I just hate feeling like a failure
comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment Share

Time:09:24 pm
I've been in a shitty mood lately...and the colts lost today. BOO
comments: Leave a comment Share

Subject:some thoughts
Time:10:54 pm
some rambling

I noticed this the other day but didnt really have time to blog about it...but here is an example of irony at its best. I was driving on I69 the other day and right across from Comunity North Hospital is a bill board for St Vincents hospital that says "Emergency care, now closer to home" and it has a exit listed...ten Miles up the road. Hysterical.

I told my friend about it yesterday and her first response was "well dont go there if you have contraceptive emergencies" cause st vincents is a catholic hospital...which prompted me to ask her...could you give me an example of a contraceptive emergency? she said a bad IUD...lol

yesterday I actually saw a car painted Kasey Kahne red... i see alot of cars that are close but this was the first one that really fit the bill perfectly, it was gorgeous and I squealed.

Did you guys know that if I mix alcohol with an extremely sensitive subject it leads to utter humilitation and an urge to drive off a cliff, the next day. Thank god Indiana is so flat.

Oh my I only listened to it on the radio but damn that colts game sounded exciting...well the second half did anyway. Also on football note, The chargers were totally robbed today. I am not a chargers fan, I really dont like them at all...But they got some pretty shoddy offciating calls today. ah well.

I found myself wishing like hell for a day off earlier today...thinking jeez when will I get one...then I laughed like a loon, Cause I had yesterday off. But yesterday was so exhausting that I felt like I didnt even get it off.

Some time later when I can get the nerve up I am going to post a picture from eastertime....It really illustrates how different i look...I was amazed when I saw it in my dads camera.

I had more to say....but damned if my brain is not like mush...gotta sleep soon cause I only got 5 hours last night. on top of only 3 hours on thursday night. Pretty soon Im going to go crazy if I dont start sleepin more.

OH YEAH! due to the oh so "polite suggestion" by a friend of mine to stop posting so many damn surveys, from now on everyone of my Surveys is going to be clearly marked...So all of you can know in advance and not get tricked into clicking on them...Better be happy, cause I love doing surveys like a fat kid loves cake. and im not gonna stop.
comments: Leave a comment Share

Time:11:14 pm
so i have several different guys talking to me on myspace now, this is definately uncharted territory for me. i dont do the whole online dating thing....NO who am I kidding, I dont do the dating thing I dont even really know what to say to these people...but i will share one funny tidbit. one of the guys is not terribly blessed in the brains department...and i said to him "I play an outgoing person on TV but I'm actually pretty shy" right after i sent it i realized that it was prolly a little over his head...sure enough, the next email he sent me said "wait, your on tv?" yes bad grammar and all...sigh
comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment Share

Time:02:47 pm
i'm having a terrible terrible couple of days. that is all
comments: Leave a comment Share

Subject:i suck at cut and paste
Time:04:43 pm
Friday, August 29, 2008


My feet hurt, I need a day off, I need some wine, I want some money. I need some loving. thats all

7:42 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

more dreams

last night i dreamed about kasey kahne...I dont really remember it but i think he was bummed and wanted to quit nascar, and i talked him out of it.

in another i got in a huge fight with this lazy girl at work...like yelling and screaming.

in another I was in a human figure drawing class and for our final project i drew scenes from a lesbian porn.

but in the best one I was a palace hand maiden and for some reason the king came to my room one night. at first i was terrified and was kneeling on the floor at his feet but after a little while his dashing good looks put me at ease..he was in designer jeans and a white dress shirt with red cuff links and red tie bar...and he kissed my neck alot...I DO adore having my neck kissed, it loosens up things. So of course even though i was terrified i couldnt turn my king down.

You know I really think I would be Fabulous at role playing...I'll have to find out some day

9:49 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Thursday, August 28, 2008


Football date in t-minus 6 hours and counting...I LOVE FOOTBALL...I would have footballs babies. but football doesnt love me the way i love it. the same could be said for many things!

12:07 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

orgasms and dreams

So last night I was so tired that i actually lay down to read and fell asleep. I forgot to get my orgasm...that sucks, I never forget and I never Not get one. I certainly cant forget tonight cause that would be an unheard of two days in a row! Also tonight I gotta try extra hard and get two to make up for missing last night. Though one good thing may have come from it not getting off...Last night I had my favorite kind of sex dream, Lol no details cause im sure Amy is already saying Delete Delete... But its the kind I dont forget, and i was wearing my pretty dress in it. If you really wanna know email me about it, maybe I'll spill.

LOL I also had a dream that nascar was a swimming sport not a car sport...they "raced" in oval shaped pools and it was acutally kinda awesome cause dream Kasey Kahne looks fucking awesome in a tiny speedo. Ive got serious mental problems if dreams are any indication

anyway back to work

1:25 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Monday, August 25, 2008

freaking awesome

I had a great great night last night. it was just awesome for a variety of reasons. Today i am hungover..and ultrasounds fucking suck. the end
comments: Leave a comment Share

Subject:cant breathe
Time:12:14 pm
ok, i just checked my bankstatement and i am officially FREAKING out about money. insurance is expensive and where i was just barely squeaking by before, now Im shaving it close to the bone. with all my bills and rent and such. If anyone out there has anything they would like to pay me to do for them I will. Cause Im not making it
comments: Leave a comment Share

Time:08:58 am
Ever kiss someone who was dating or married to someone else?
No! But that doesn't mean I didn't really want to.

How many children do you plan on having?
I dont know, Lately I've been thinking about it more and more.

Have you ever egged someones house or car?
toilet papered

Did you vote for George W Bush?

Have you ever stolen something from work or school?

Ever tried to make a bomb?
lol, not telling

Does the last person you held hands with, mean a lot?
I cant remember who the last person I held hands with was

Are you close with your mom?
yes, very

What's your favorite color to wear?
they say black is slimming

Who was the last person you talked to on the telephone?
hmmmm, My mom i think

When was the last time you talked to your number 2?

Do think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now?
hmmm... i doubt it

Sleep on your back or stomach?

Something that happened today that made you not happy?
nothing yet

First thing you do when you wake up?
get out of bed

What was your first thought when you woke up this morning?
TIRED...more SLEEPY now

Where were you at 2:00 this morning?
in bed

How do you feel about the person who texted you last?
a good friend

What's your favorite room in your house?
my bedroom

Are you able to climb a chain link fence?
i have not tried in a long time...but i bet i could if say a pack of ravenous dogs was chasing me

Have you ever cried from being so mad?

What high school did/do you attend?

Whats the longest you have talked on the phone to someone and with who?
4 hours...driving home while exhausted

How many 20 dollar bills do you have on you right now?

Do you have any friends that you have known for 10 years or more?

Name something that's on your mind right now?
something i lost out on

Where do you want to go?

Who did you last shoot a dirty look at?
my boss

What's one fact about your pet?
He is major cute

Has anyone ever sang to you?
only once...and though it was not meant to be romantic it was...though I doubt anyone but me remembers it

Has anyone ever given you roses?

When was the last time you hugged someone and who was it?
um...i think greg tuesday night

Do you miss anyone?
lots of people

What's irritating you right now?
my money worries

Are you listening to music right now?
yes, work music

Where is the biggest scar on your body?
my surgery scar...which has healed so nicely its almost gone

Do relationships matter at all?
yes. i want one

When is the last time you wore a dress?
saturday night

Looking back, did you ever waste too much time on a certain boy or girl?
thinking about them yes

Anything been heavy on your heart lately?
yes... money, lack of love, diet, needing a good deep dicking.

Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
I have not kissed anyone lately

What's your favorite card game?
comments: Leave a comment Share

[icon] do not defy me
View:Recent Entries.
You're looking at the latest 10 entries.
Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 10 entries